Understanding and Practicing Biblical Forgiveness

Biblical forgiveness is one of the most essential yet challenging aspects of Christian living. Understanding what forgiveness truly means—and what it doesn't—can transform our relationships and free us from the burden of carrying offenses.

What Forgiveness Is

The Greek word for forgive means "to send away" or "to let go." (Understanding Forgiveness, 3:10) Scripture beautifully illustrates this concept in Psalm 103:12: "as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." (Understanding Forgiveness, 3:46)

When we forgive others, we are letting go—not holding the transgression against them, not continuing to carry the offense. (Understanding Forgiveness, 4:08) God demonstrates this perfect forgiveness through Christ, as Colossians 2:13-14 declares: "when he forgave us all our trespasses, erasing the record that stood against us with its legal demands. He set this aside, nailing it to the cross."

What Forgiveness Is NOT

Not Condoning

Forgiveness does not mean condoning the words or actions of the person who hurt us. (Understanding Forgiveness, 4:54) Scripture forbids us to "call evil good and good evil" (Isaiah 5:20). When we forgive, we're not saying their behavior was acceptable—we're choosing not to hold it against them. (Understanding Forgiveness, 6:11)

Not Reconciliation

Forgiveness and reconciliation are different concepts. (Understanding Forgiveness, 6:46) Reconciliation only occurs when the person who has offended you repents of what they have said or done. (Understanding Forgiveness, 6:56) As Romans 12:18 reminds us: "If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

Sometimes reconciliation may not be wise, even though forgiveness has occurred—for example, in cases of verbal or physical abuse. (Understanding Forgiveness, 8:45) Forgiveness is different from rebuilding trust or relationship.

Not About Protecting from Justice

We are not obligated to protect someone from reaping the consequences of their behavior. (Understanding Forgiveness, 9:46) Paul demonstrated this when he warned others about Alexander the coppersmith who had done him great harm, stating "the Lord will repay him for his deeds" (2 Timothy 4:14-15). (Understanding Forgiveness, 11:20)

Not About the Offender

Forgiveness is not about the person who offends you—it's about your actions and what you do. (Understanding Forgiveness, 13:48) As Colossians 3:23 teaches, "whatever your task, put yourselves into it, as done for the Lord and not for your masters." We serve the Lord by forgiving.

Not Forgetting

Only God can forgive in the sense of forgetting. (Understanding Forgiveness, 14:23) God declares in Isaiah 43:25: "I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." We don't have the ability to forget like God does, but by His grace, we can daily put our past behind us. (Understanding Forgiveness, 17:40)

Not Passive Revenge

True forgiveness is not passive revenge—giving the cold shoulder or celebrating when something negative happens to that person. (Understanding Forgiveness, 21:55) That may look like forgiveness, but it's just passive revenge disguised.

The Daily Practice of Forgiveness

Because we can't forget like God does, forgiveness becomes a daily choice. (Understanding Forgiveness, 23:10) When we see the face of someone who has hurt us and remember that pain again, it's an opportunity by God's grace to forgive once more. (Understanding Forgiveness, 23:52)

God's Power to Forgive

Forgiveness is not a self-improvement project. (Understanding Forgiveness, 24:09) God is the transforming one who empowers us to forgive. As Galatians 2:20 declares: "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." (Understanding Forgiveness, 28:19)

Forgiveness begins when we acknowledge: "I can't do this on my own power. The hurt is too painful, the words were too cutting. It is solely by the grace of God where there is forgiveness." (Understanding Forgiveness, 25:34) God commands us to forgive, and He provides the power for what He calls us to do, according to Philippians 4:19.

Forgiving Family Members

Family relationships can be particularly challenging when it comes to forgiveness. (Forgiving Family Members, 0:01) Families can be tremendous sources of joy—places where memories are made and rituals create bonds. Yet families can also be sources of deep pain because no one knows you better than a family member. (Forgiving Family Members, 1:55)

Family members know your strengths and weaknesses, what you're confident about and what you struggle with. (Forgiving Family Members, 2:10) When words are shared or actions taken within the family context, they can cause incredible pain. Since we're all broken human beings, hurt is inevitable in family relationships. (Forgiving Family Members, 2:42)

Joseph's Example

Joseph's story powerfully illustrates family forgiveness in action. Despite being sold into slavery by his brothers, falsely accused, and imprisoned, Joseph later forgave his family completely. When revealing his identity to his brothers in Genesis 45:4-5, he said: "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life." (Forgiving Family Members, 10:25)

Joseph understood that "it was not you who sent me here, but God" (Genesis 45:8). (Forgiving Family Members, 11:05) Even when family members cause great harm, God can work all things together for good for those who love Him, as promised in Romans 8:28. (Forgiving Family Members, 12:40)

Looking Past the Pain

A key principle in forgiving family members is learning to look past the hurt to the good that God will bring from every situation. (Forgiving Family Members, 14:18) As Joseph declared in Genesis 50:20: "Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today." (Forgiving Family Members, 14:58)

This doesn't mean denying what happened or repressing the pain. Rather, it means focusing on God's promise to use every situation—every word, every hurt—and bring some good out of it. (Forgiving Family Members, 15:41) When we look past pain and focus on God's promise and goodness, it becomes part of forgiveness by God's grace. (Forgiving Family Members, 16:43)

God's Complete Forgiveness in Christ

The foundation for all human forgiveness is God's complete forgiveness of us through Christ. Hebrews 8:12 declares: "I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." The Greek uses a double negative here for emphasis—God emphatically will not remember our sins through the blood of Jesus. (Understanding Forgiveness, 17:11)

Our life together as God's people begins in forgiveness. (Forgive One Another, 4:25) Every time we gather for worship, we start by confessing our sins and receiving the declaration: "You are forgiven." Because Christ died upon the cross and rose victorious, we are free—free from sin, free to live together in the power of the Holy Spirit. (Forgive One Another, 4:53)

Putting Away the Old

As new creations in Christ, we are called to put away the old patterns that destroy relationships. Ephesians 4:31 instructs: "Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice." (Forgive One Another, 8:44)

Bitterness occurs when we ruminate on how we've been wronged, examining it from every angle until it takes root and leads to wrath, anger, and malice. (Forgive One Another, 9:10) But as new creations, we can put these things away because God's own Spirit lives within us and empowers us. (Forgive One Another, 17:11)

Living in Kindness and Forgiveness

Instead of bitterness, we are called to "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another" (Ephesians 4:32). (Forgive One Another, 17:46) This kindness means treating others with the same grace a benefactor shows their clients. Being tenderhearted means having compassion from the very core of our being, especially when someone is in error or has wronged us. (Forgive One Another, 18:33)

We forgive one another to the same extent that God in Christ has forgiven us—holy, freely, fully, and liberally to an extent we can never imagine this side of heaven. (Forgive One Another, 21:54) As 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us: "Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins." (Forgive One Another, 23:23)

Learning from Paul and Onesimus

The beautiful letter to Philemon provides another powerful example of forgiveness in action. (Receive Much Joy, 3:02) When the runaway slave Onesimus encountered Paul in Rome and became a believer, Paul wrote to Philemon requesting forgiveness for the one who had wronged him. (Receive Much Joy, 3:31)

Paul's appeal demonstrates the power of intercession—he stood between Onesimus and Philemon, asking Philemon to forgive and declaring, "If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account." (Receive Much Joy, 16:17) This mirrors Christ's work for us—standing between us and the Father, taking